In this era of wide-but-not-manspread fear and panic over the loathsome Cheeto Jesus and his circus of clowns and amateurs and -Ists practicing their -Isms, unlike the Studied Professionals of President Jarrett’s administration, it is good to have knowledge of how to survive.
Recently the Afraid-&-Panicking have taken to reading and viewing George Orwell’s “1984.” This is an excellent book and many of your professors and members of your social set are well-versed in the grammar and timbre of ProfSoc newspeak. You may need to read the book several times to find all the nuggets of wisdom you’ll need to survive chance encounters with Trumpismo.
Another tip – take it from me, most of us here did these to survive President Jarrett’s light-hearted and whimsical attempts at governing with an iron fist, so these will – I say again WILL help you get through until Paul Ryan initiates the counter-revolution with an impeachment.
Where were we? Ah yes, another tip! Another tip is arm yourself with secret, esoteric knowledge. The Illuminati have nothing on Goldman-Sachs – have you ever known a POTUS who didn’t have his Treasury and economic advisers sit on the board at Goldman-Sachs? One founding member of #Resistance goes by the social media name of Adam Smith. He’s got two books out that are the Go-To books for all things Social Justice and money. His “Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations” and his “Theory of Moral Sentiments” are hot lava to burn down the fascists and establish Social Justice across America. No reich-winger can hold a candle to these arguments. You know the rich fascists stole all the money from the poor and non-whites – Smith gives them their money back, so who’s side are you on?
You’ll be able to tell who is a true Social Justice Warrior and loyal to America and who is a hipster poseur avec cerveaux comme le chili by who gets angry at having to explain what they mean. Serious! You met those d-bags. Can’t think the talk, spout herds of words with no rhyme and -Ism’d to the max. They Kant, but you can! Check out Immanuel Kant’s “Critique of Pure Reason.” He throws it down like a world-class MMA fighter and you’ll beat the ass of every one of the Cheeto Jesus’s tea-bagger disciples with logic trains so strong everybody can get on board. Survival of the fittest, yo.
You not fit? Hitting the lattes instead of the lats? Compete. Do athletics. Now, I know, I know. Everyone gets a ribbon or a piece of paper saying “YOU GO ZIR” and that is just so, so patronizing! Be real, be pure: if you win – keep it. If you come in anywhere from second to last toss that bit of sexist garbage in the trash like a boss! In fact, show those patronizing clowns you don’t need the ribbons, you’re just there for the purity of the contest. A ribbon for not winning keeps you down, keeps you oppressed. Go. Compete.
But don’t be a hipster alt-right -Ist hating on everyone. Protect yourself – use these tips I mentioned. Don’t trust your buds, your girlfriends, or even folks who aren’t quite sure who they are. Talk over what you found with the rebels, rascals and rogues you find here on IntheOldCorps.com. Well, rebel, rascal and rogue. The other four writers are gentlemen and scholars, but they try! We got your back so you can survive these times and make it to the revolution.