CAMP PENDLETON, CA — Sources at 3rd Battalion 1st Marine Regiment (3/1) confirmed reports that Pfc. Alex Leddy delivered a record-breaking 12 pound, 8 ounce MRE food baby at 5:43AM this morning on Range K2.
“Pfc. Leddy is expected to make a full recovery following a difficult labor, which was triggered by eating a packet of coffee grounds while smoking a Marlboro Red at the end of a month-long field op,” said Sgt. Maj. J. Melendez, 3/1 Regiment [sic] Sergeant Major.
Disturbingly close to reality.